


they just remind me im without you

by mydefaultisgay



Category: Birds of Prey (And the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn) (2020)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, F/F, Fluff, Light Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-24
Updated: 2020-05-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:21:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22880965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mydefaultisgay/pseuds/mydefaultisgay
Summary: Dinah smiled when she caught her eye, flashing her dimple and pearly teeth, eyes a little bit tired but radiant all the same. Helena thought she was immune to it by now, after years of working together and being friends. She tried to be immune to everything Dinah. Tried so hard for so long that, in the end, it didn't work.
Relationships: Helena Bertinelli/Dinah Lance, Pamela Isley/Harleen Quinzel
Comments: 14
Kudos: 271





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> supposed to be a one-shot coffeeshop au but then i got carried away. not sure what this fic is anymore but expect much yearning and eventual cuteness.

A sharp wince and a resounding groan of pain lanced through the silence of the nearly empty coffeeshop. Helena didn't have to look to know Harley was behind the commotion. Who else would it be? 

"What the fuck did you do that for you stupid bitch!" 

Now that got her attention. Helena looked up immediately from her place behind the counter, fists clenching out of instinct. Harley was standing over a gentleman in a crisp grey suit, who was struggling to wring his hand out of Harley's vice-like grip. 

"No one grabs my ass without permission and gets away with it." said Harley, as bubbly as a preschool teacher reprimanding one of her charges.

"You cunt." 

_Oh, absolutely not._ Helena was about to charge towards the guy when a faint crack and an agonized cry made her pause.

Harley finally let go of the man's hand and he promptly collapsed on one knee, howling as he cradled his (broken?) fingers. Helena wanted to laugh but that wouldn't be appropriate, wouldn't it? Montoya had no such reservations though, the woman had a cackle that could rival Harley's, leaving Dinah to approach the scene and deal with the repercussions. Helena stayed put. She was most helpful when there was punching involved, not so much with conflict resolution and avoiding potential physical assault charges.

Minutes later, with the situation taken care of, Dinah slid in front of her looking positively disgruntled. She leaned her elbows on the counter, rubbing her temples with her eyes squeezed shut. "Sometimes I wish we had something a lot stronger than coffee around here. I need a drink after _that_."

Harley waltzed right beside Dinah, wrapping an arm around the other woman's shoulders. "Told ya' I got the situation handled."

"That jerk is a big deal in Sionis' company. You'd probably be on your way to jail right now if it weren't for me, you do realize that?" Dinah opened her eyes and fixed Helena a look. "Who am I kidding, of course she doesn't."

"You birds just missed me."

"Harley, you've been hanging out here _a lot_ since you quit."

"Wouldn't want the place to get boring. Bad for business, right Montoya?" Harley called out to Renee. 

"Uh-huh." came Renee's half-hearted reply. 

"Did the guy really grab your ass?" Helena asked, her anger barely hidden in her tone. 

"Don't worry, sugar. I've had worse." That made Helena's eyes nearly bulge out, muscles tightening in a protective stance, but Harley went on. "Besides, I broke at least two of that perv's fingers real good. Should teach him a lesson."

"Doubt he'd learn anything out of it. Trash like him never do change." Dinah muttered darkly. She spared Harley a glance, her exasperation finally dissolving to make way for worry. "Sorry that happened, Harl. You'd think none of those bastards would step inside this place given our reputation."

"Of kicking men in the balls." Harley nodded, comically solemn.

"Why did you come by here today, anyway?" 

Harley shrugged. "Figured I'd get some work done or something. You know how I like studying here. Why d'ya ask?" 

Harley got into med school to become a psychiatrist, which was the reason why she quit her job at the coffeeshop. She got herself a fancy scholarship and found a new job that fit her actual future job a lot more than being a barista. It hardly felt like she left though, she was nearly always around. 

"Nothing, just thought you'd be too busy tailing your girlfriend around to show your face here any longer." said Dinah with a chuckle.

"Harley, you have a girlfriend?" This was new information to Helena. Last time her friend ever dated was when she was still with that asshole ex-boyfriend of hers a few years ago. Her knuckles tingled at the memory of beating that guy up to a pulp with Dinah and Renee. 

"Oh my god, you should meet her! Dinah already had, so did Cass. Montoya already knows her, I think." Helena tried not to feel offended about being left out and smiled. 

"She's a keeper, Harl. Don't annoy her too much." said Dinah. She turned to Helena with a playful smirk. "Our girl here scored herself a hot redhead professor." 

Harley beamed proudly as Helena's eyebrows shot up, genuinely impressed. "The one she wouldn't shut up about for months?" 

"Yep, the plant lady."

"Hey!" Harley pulled away from Dinah's side to shoot her a venomous look. "She's a botanist and has a PhD, and if you say that again I will-" 

"Geez, it's just a joke. I know your girlfriend's a genius, Harl. You've told us a _thousand_ times."

Come to think of it, Helena did notice a slight change in Harley. She'd been way less pouty recently. Helena had chalked it up to professional and intellectual fulfillment rather than directly assume that she was seeing someone, but maybe it was a mixture of those things. 

The day dragged on and Helena ruminated on this a bit more while working, a multitasker in her bones. Harley was dating again, and this time she was with someone that was actually good to her. Helena was happy for her friend, of course. So why was she feeling... weird all of a sudden? It couldn't be jealousy, she didn't like Harley in that way. But listening to Harley brag about _her girl_ was like having her insides hollow out slowly, a gaping hole widening gradually just as her joy at seeing Harley genuinely happy was growing. It was a peculiar feeling, one she couldn't quite name, or perhaps she knew exactly what it was but was consciously trying to swerve around the truth. 

And everytime Helena glanced at Dinah, it only got worse. It was like being filled to the brim with something, everything, while simultaneously feeling like the hole inside her was stretching out into an empty void. 

Dinah smiled when she caught her eye, flashing her dimple and pearly teeth, eyes a little bit tired but radiant all the same. Helena thought she was immune to it by now, after years of working together and being friends. She tried to be immune to everything Dinah. Tried so hard for so long that, in the end, it didn't work.

* * *

_Helena was never good at social interaction, she knew this, but she needed the job. Even though customer service was definitely not one of her best suits, the coffeeshop was close to her apartment, and the pay was decent. Not to mention, she knew and liked Montoya so at least she didn't have to deal with a shitty boss._

_She pushed open the glass door of the shop, the cool air from the AC and the aroma of the best coffee in Gotham calming her a bit. The place was still empty, which was reasonable since it was still early._

_"Hey, new girl."_

_Behind the barista counter, a girl waved her over. She had on her simple work uniform, which paled in comparison to the rest of her. She was gorgeous, the kind of pretty that smacked you upside the head. Helena was so dumbstruck she didn't catch what the girl was saying._

_"I'm sorry, can you repeat that?"_

_The girl smiled and Helena nearly died then and there. "I said what's your name."_

_"Oh, um, I'm Helena. Bertinelli. Helena Bertinelli."_

_"Dinah Lance, nice to meet you." She offered up her hand and Helena took a second to realize she should take it so they could shake hands to fulfill a social ritual. She knew because she wasn't_ completely _socially inept. "Renee's not here so she asked me to show you around. When will you be starting?"_

_"A couple of days from now."_

_Dinah whistled low. "That's pretty soon. How about you observe for a bit today, maybe help with the minor stuff, then I'll teach you how these big boys work by the time we close up." She gestured behind her where the coffee machine rested. "Sound good to you?"_

_"Yes, of course. I'm okay with that." Helena gave her a thumbs up and instantly regretted it._

* * *

  
Helena was sitting on one of the couches in Harley's living room, her dog Bruce resting on Helena's lap. Cass was sitting cross legged across her while munching on some cereal. 

"Dinner's gonna be ready soon, you shouldn't eat too much of that." Helena told her. 

The kid shrugged. "Nah, my stomach can take it." 

Helena was about to talk her out of it when they heard a loud clang from the kitchen followed by a panicked whine from Harley.

"Relax, Harl. It's gonna be fine." came Dinah's voice, which took on her signature calming tone. Though it rarely worked on Harley. "Why don't you sit for a moment and let me handle this." 

"YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, EVERYTHING HAS TO BE PERFECT. I HAVE TO DO SOMETHING, I CAN'T JUST FUCKING SIT."

Harley had been stressing out since this morning when she all but dragged them to help her prepare for dinner. They had this tradition where they meet up at least twice in each month that didn't involve getting hammered in a bar then get involved in a brawl somehow, but instead of pizza and margaritas Harley opted for something more sophisticated. She invited her girlfriend over and _Harleen Quinzel will not be settling for something mediocre_ (her exact words). 

"It's gonna be perfect, trust me. Just calm down." Dinah coaxed her again. 

"Red always prepares the best dinners for me, I don't want to disappoint her." Helena could tell from Harley's voice that she was pouting. 

Despite Harley's worry, Helena doubted her girlfriend would be disappointed even if Harley ended up serving her nothing but fruit loops for dinner. Helena finally met Harley's girlfriend a few days after she found out about her dating someone new and after meeting the woman again in several separate occasions, Helena was convinced that no one looked as besotted as Pamela Isley did when she looked at Harley. It was beautiful to watch, really. If only it didn't poke at the newly formed empty void living rent free inside Helena. 

Helena didn't envy them, she didn't have it in her to be jealous about her friend's happiness. This was something else entirely. It was longing, one she had kept caged for fucking _years_ that by time it got out again, it was all over the place. Antsy and untamed, making her yearn and crave something she could never have. She glanced over her shoulder to find the focus of that longing in the kitchen stirring something in a pot with a ladle while trying to calm their wild friend down with reassuring words, a multitasker in her bones. The pleasant smell of the food that wafted through the air and filled Helena's nose did nothing to appease the sweet torture beneath her ribcage. 

Eventually, Dinah managed to convince Harley to relax and sent her to get dressed. Helena decided to help out and with the two of them, all was set up by the time Harley got out of her room looking way less disgruntled. She let out an exaggerated gasp when she saw their handiwork. 

"ohmygodohmygod," she wrapped the two of them in one big, tight hug. "Thank you ladies so much. You're the bestest."

"No problem, Harls." Dinah patted her in the head. 

Harley didn't let go right away, and the longer they were tightly secured around a pair of pale gymnast's arms, the more she grew aware of the nearly nonexistent distance between her and Dinah. Helena looked away to hide her blush, trying to think of a way to pull herself out of the embrace, when a soft knock finally got Harley to let them go. She squealed, making her dog jump excitedly, and practically ran towards the door. Dinah brushed Helena's arm absently with her hand, a touch borne out of familiarity. It was a friendly gesture, nothing more, nothing less. The fact that it made her pulse quicken for a moment was all Helena's fault. 

"Red, you came!" Harley practically jumped at her girlfriend, surging forward to lock the woman in a searing kiss. Helena was too stunned at the display to avert her gaze.

"Babe, there's a _child_ right behind you watching us. Maybe tone it down a bit?" Pamela said and Harley reluctantly untangled herself from her. 

Cass let out an offended snort. "I'm thirteen, Pam."

"I know, kid." Pam bumped her gently on the arm with a fist. She then gave Helena and Dinah each a graceful cheek kiss in greeting, which normally Helena would find pretentious, but this was Pamela Isley. Nothing about her was pretentious. 

"Wow, this looks amazing. You prepared all of this?" Pam turned to Harley, who was positively glowing with the praise.

"I got loads of help from these two gals. But, yeah. Had to make it extra special with my girl comin' over, ya know."

Pamela didn't say anything, just gave Harley a soft smile. It was such a tender exchange that Helena felt like she was intruding somehow. 

They all took there places around the dining table, none of them willing to wait for the food to get cold. Harley dutifully took charge of steering the conversation through, as expected, and she had just recounted a whole gripping tale about a squirrel that followed her around the park when Pamela finally spoke up. 

"So, how are things going between you two?" she asked, eyes flitting between Helena and Dinah. 

Dinah frowned. "What do you mean?" 

"Well, Harley here told me you and Helena just got together-" 

"Anybody want more wine?" Harley interrupted.

Pamela took a look at both of them again as understanding dawned on her elegant features, a smile curling at her mouth when her eyes landed on Helena. Judging by how warm her cheeks felt, Helena was probably as red as a fucking tomato. 

"Sorry about that, Harley has a habit of speaking out her wishes as if she could will them into existence." said Pamela fondly. 

"It's just that they're taking _so long_ , it's been years already." Harley was indignant, shoving a mouthful of food and chewing it down with extra fervor. 

Dinah cleared her throat. "Can we move on now, please?" 

The matter was dropped with no resistance. As Cass was updating everyone about school, Helena kept her eyes trained on her plate. She could feel Dinah's gaze on her every now and then, burning the side of her head. She tried not to dwell on Dinah's quick dismissal of the matter earlier, but ultimately failed. She couldn't help but wonder whether Dinah was just annoyed at Harley's intrusiveness, or if the idea of what Harley wished for the two of them disgusted her. 

Helena wanted to shrug those thoughts away, hoping that the evening wouldn't be agonizingly long _._


	2. Chapter 2

It was exactly the type of shit Harley would pull. Smart, a little bit cunning, and tipped dangerously over the line. A classic Harleen Quinzel move. It took every morsel of Dinah's self-control to restrain herself from wiping that smug look on her friend's face. 

Harley knew what she was doing when she told her girlfriend that Dinah and Helena were a thing. She knew Pamela was going to mention it, knew it would stir up some drama and shake up whatever semblance of professionalism Dinah had built over the years with Helena. God, what was Harley thinking? They're not in fucking high school for fuck's sake.

She shouldn't have told Harley about her -- what, feelings? -- for Helena, never should've told Harley anything at all. It was a recipe for disaster and she should've known. Now Helena wouldn't even look at her. That was the probably worst part, the way she seemed to avoid Dinah for the rest of the evening. 

They gathered in Harley's small living room after they finished up with dinner to watch a movie. Normally, Helena would sit next to her, but now she was third wheeling in the three seater beside Harley, who was cuddling Pam, face half buried on the crook of her girlfriend's neck. If Helena would rather be sat _there_ than be anywhere near Dinah, then Harley's shenanigans definitely spooked her. 

Dinah tried not be disappointed, or hurt. 

... 

  
_It was Dinah who gave Renee the idea to ditch her at the club so her boss could go home with this nice looking lady she'd been eyeing all night. The woman needed it, and it was a step forward towards getting over ex and Dinah was more than happy to help her with that. But she forgot one crucial thing: Renee was her ride home._

_Left with no other choice, she called Helena, despite knowing her for just a week._

_Dinah managed to stop her mouth from gaping when Helena pulled up on her motorcycle, clad in black leather. The shy smile she gave Dinah as a greeting contraticted just how fucking sick she looked in that moment._

_Dinah didn't make herself look too impressed, but she did spare the other woman an appraising glance._

_"You look good." she said._

_"Thanks, uh-- you look great, too."_

_"Sorry, I wouldn't have bothered you if I had another safer option."_

_Helena waved this away. She handed Dinah the spare helmet and patted the seat behind her. Once she was on and settled, they were off._

_Dinah's hand found Helena's waist, lightly gripping her leather jacket. A stray thought about the skin underneath the layers of cloth came to the surface of her mind, but she brushed it off. Though the way the pads of her fingers tingled told her the thought wasn't banished completely._

_She wasn't drunk, but maybe tipsy enough to do something stupid that she would regret. The smell of soap coming from Helena and the way she was pressed flush to her back wasn't really helping. Dinah's hands slowly creeped closer to Helena's stomach, her fingers finding the much thinner cloth of the shirt underneath her jacket. She squeezed lightly, relishing the feeling._

_That's when Helena tensed._

_The motorcycle pulled to a stop, surprising Dinah enough to get her head back on track. She remembered what she just did, and nearly threw up not just from the drinks she had a while ago._

_"I'm sorry, I didn't... I wasnt--"_

_"No, it's fine." said Helena, still not facing her. Her hands were still gripping the handlebars. She can hear her take a deep breath. "It's just that I'm ticklish, is all."_

_Dinah can tell that she was lying, and she knows it was to make her feel better, too. It made her feel even more sick about it all, guilt gnawing at her._

_"Okay," she said instead. She figured it would make things less awkward, and she could sense Helena seemed to grow more uncomfortable._

_When Helena released the break with her foot and the motorcycle came into motion, she started to relax again. Helena dropped her hands to her sides._

_The next day, at work, Dinah apologized again. Helena insisted that it was fine, and that she understood how Dinah was just a bit drunk, and that she_ really was just ticklish _. But still.._

_Months later, Helena was fast becoming one of her closest friends, and Dinah vowed never to ruin that._

...

It was late by the time the movie ended. Cass, who slept halfway through the film and woke up when it nearly ended, looked at her with droopy eyes. "Drive me home."

"Like I have a choice." Dinah stood up and stretched her limbs. She couldn't help but notice the way Harley and Pam were having a whole ass conversation with their eyes. Harley's hand was on her girlfriend's lap, eyebrows wiggling. Her silent communication skills were way less subtle than Pam's, whose facade remained level expect for her gaze. Dinah took it as a cue to leave. Judging from Helena's flushed cheeks and obvious aversion of having to look at the couple, so did she. 

They bade their farewells, thanked Harley even though Dinah did most of the work earlier, and left as Harley waved at them enthusiastically. 

"Thank god we got out of there." Cass said. "I definitely do not want to have to watch Harley jump on her girlfriend. I've caught them making out once and Harley was basically eating Pam's face."

"The heck?" said Dinah as she stared at Cass. Beside her, Helena stilled. 

Cass rolled her eyes. "What?" 

"You need Jesus, kid."

"Like you believe in that crap. You like girls, too, remember?" 

Dinah bumped the kid with her hip, which nearly made her fall. "Asshole, I almost tripped."

They reached Dinah's car and she was about to wave Helena goodbye when she noticed the other woman was still standing a few steps from the door. 

"What's up with her?" Cass asked. She called out, "Hey, Helena, we're going now."

That was when Dinah remembered that she drove her and Harley earlier because they went to get groceries together, and that Helena's bike was still at the coffeeshop. 

"I could drop you off to your place." Nothing. "If you want to call a cab, it's fine too."

"Dude, come on. Don't pay for that overpriced shit. Get your ass in here." Cass pleaded. Dinah reminded herself to have a talk with Harley about swearing in front of Cass. The mouth this kid has on her.

Helena seemed to have shaken off whatever stupor she got herself stuck in and made her way towards them with long strides. When she got close enough, Dinah could see the determined set of her features, the moonlight casting its pale beams on her skin. 

Cass hopped on the backseat, so Helena took shotgun. Dinah fished out her keys from her pocket and started the engine. She didn't even realize she felt nervous until she noticed the way her car humming to life beneath her hands soothed her. It was ridiculous, she had no reason to be nervous, not even the fact that one of her closest friends and the woman she had tried not to pine over for two years couldn't look at her straight in the eye should warrant such a reaction from her. She was better than this. 

They drove in silence; the polluted air of Gotham wasn't ideal for a nightly drive but it was cool enough against their faces. Cass and Dinah's apartment building was nearest so she dropped the kid off first. She would have to take Helena to her place first before driving back around and get back home herself.

As soon as she pulled up, Cass got out of the car. "Thanks, Dinah."

"Straight to bed, you hear me? Don't want your parents to give me crap about you staying up late." 

"You're not the boss of me." said Cass, affectionately flipping them off before running up inside. 

Dinah shook her head with a smile and hit the road again. The streets were empty, surprisingly so. It was rare in Gotham for the streets to be this quiet at this hour. 

"You didn't have to drive me all the way, you know." Helena said to her, finally speaking up after what felt like years. Dinah glanced at her and was pleased to find Helena looking at her. 

"And what? Have you walk the rest of the way to your house?" She raised an eyebrow at her before turning her eyes back on the road ahead. "Come on, don't act like this is the first time I gave you a ride."

Helena chuckled. "Sorry, it's just that... Yeah, I'm sorry." 

"Sorry for what?" 

"For, you know," Dinah could hear the shrug from her tone. "You seemed really, um... _disturbed_ earlier. During dinner. When Pam asked about us being, uh, y'know... "

A stubborn warmth bubbled in her chest. "What? You thought I was disturbed by that?" 

"I mean... wait, you weren't?" 

Dinah rolled her eyes. "Why would I? You're a catch, Helena." She looked at her again and was not disappointed to see the blush creeping up on Helena's cheeks. 

Dinah was so fucking stupid. So stupid. All this time she thought Helena was just uncomfortable when she froze up with every flirtatious comment or act that Dinah directed at her. She let a drunken mistake long forgiven and forgotten hold her back, building up walls that didn't need to be there. Two years, it took her two years and a nosy Harley to make her figure her shit out. 

It was pathetic, yet it made so much sense, she wanted to fucking laugh out loud. She wanted to kiss the girl beside her senseless. She wanted--

"I didn't know you liked women." Helena said, voice so low that if she wasn't sitting right next to her the wind would have carried those words away and not ever reach Dinah's ears. But they did, and Dinah was at a loss. 

Nearly a minute later, she finally found her voice. "I thought you knew?" 

"You never told me." _I didn't?_ "And it never came up. You also never dated anyone since we became friends so there was no way for me to know."

"Well, shit." Dinah muttered. 

"Yeah... But it's fine. I never told you, either." 

"Don't take this the wrong way, Helena, but it's pretty fucking obvious that you are... you know." 

For a moment, Dinah feared that she crossed a line, but then Helena started laughing earnestly. She threw her head back, her shoulder-length hair mirroring the dark evening sky. Dinah was far too gone and she thought how futile, how pointless, to have fought this off for such a long time. 

They stopped right in front of Helena's house. It was a quaint little place, the only thing Helena ever allowed her rich family to give her after moving out and build her own life. Among many other things, it was something that Dinah recognized in Helena and just understood completely without having her explain it. The desire to stand on one's feet. For Helena, it was by choice, insisted not to take any of her family's fortune and have it easy. For Dinah, she had no other option, but after hopping from one foster home to another and realizing putting her trust on people who didn't want her was a mistake, it didn't take long until it became a choice to her as well. 

She was shaken away from her thoughts when Helena cleared her throat awkwardly. "Uh, I should go. Good night."

"Helena, wait." Dinah caught her hand effortlessly, and if hours ago it would've been a normal gesture, this time the skin to skin contact sent a current through Dinah. Just like those first few months of torture and yearning. She could not believe she managed to delude herself about being over this, over _her,_ for such a long time.

Helena gazed at her and that, too, felt different. Looked different. There was so much warmth in there, confidence too. A purpose, as sharp and smoldering as the woman she knew beneath the occasionally awkward shell she wore. 

Dinah reached out ever so slowly, sure of herself and of this but still cautious out of habit. Her fingers lightly grazed the other woman's chin. The touch and the look in her eyes a wordless question. Finally, after what seemed like forever, Helena nodded and surged forward. 

Dinah met her halfway and their lips touched, clashed, moved in unison like their muscles longed for this moment as much as they did. She cupped Helena cheek, relishing the taste and smell of her, and felt Helena's own hand slide to her neck to pull her closer, deepening the kiss. It was a little bit sloppy, and their teeth bumped once or twice, but Dinah swore she could kiss Helena forever. 

She couldn't do that, and eventually they had to pull away from the kiss. Dinah bumped her nose against Helena's, plucking a smile out of her like no one else can. 

"I can't believe..." Helena breathed out. 

"I can't believe it took us this long to do that." Dinah smirked, suddenly too aware of their proximity to Helena's house. "But we got time to make up for it. Wouldn't you say?"

Helena blushed a deeper shade of red, and Dinah thought she would never fucking get sick of this. 

**Author's Note:**

> let me know what you think, and if you can guess which song the title is from. more to come.


End file.
